Sunday, April 13, 2008

Yes, I've Been Married A Long Time

I heard that the biggest peeve men have with their wives is that women do not close the bathroom door. I heard this when my Spouse read this little tidbit to me with a loud HA! for emphasis.

While I pointed out to him that there is a fundamental difference in the dainty business a lady might be taking care of while seated on the throne and the sole reason why a man would be seated, he was not moved by the distinction. Therefore, I felt some further clarification was in order.

We ladies being the gentle fair creatures we are, can not be held responsible for occasional bathroom door forgetfulness. No sir, for most of us it begins with having a baby in the house and our anxious need to be able to hear any small peep that may come from the nursery even at the most indelicate of times. How can we be condemned for being attentive care givers?

Of course as the baby grows to toddler-hood, we make the attempt to enjoy our little snatches of solitude. Toddlers have other ideas.

"Mama! Mama! Mama!" Bang, bang, bang! on the door. "Yes, my wee poppet?" we say as we peek open the door.

"I'm hungry."

"Yes, Poppet, I'll make you a little something in just a moment. Mama needs some private time." and we foolishly close the door. In the next moment it's Bang! Bang! Bang!

"What?!" we exclaim nearly knocking the toddler down as we fling the door open.

Blink. Blink. "I love you."

And of course little one must be immediately scooped up and snuggled on the spot. Once again privacy becomes a distant memory.

But why, you may wonder do we continue in the habit of inefficiently latched doors long after the children have left the days of dipes and wipes? Could it be the dog who actually turns the knob on the bathroom door so she can check my bodily fluids for my latest health news? Perhaps the same dog who will throw all her 120 pounds of muscle at the locked door in a frantic effort to assure herself I haven't left through the magically appearing rear exit?

Perhaps it is the cat who will scrape maniacally at the bathroom door with all his de-clawed fury if he thinks I might be in there with nothing better to do than scratch behind his ears because really, isn't that the only reason I should be allowed to sit down?

No, I think perhaps the real reason why women who have been married for many years become careless about the bathroom door is the husbands who insist on reading silly tidbits to them from the paper while we are otherwise occupied and expect us to not only hear them, but carry on an entire conversation about women and their door habits. Yeah. Like I could do that through a closed door.