Thursday, February 21, 2008

Spring Shoes

I am a shoe nut. If I won the lottery tomorrow, I'd blow it all in the shoe department at Neiman-Marcus. Well, there and the handbag department because we Southern girls don't care what those fashion rags in New Yawk say, we gotta have matching bags for our shoes.

Now some of y'all were appalled by my recent fascination with with gold metallic shoes and handbags. Granted I would NEVER wear the two together, but instead find a nice complementary handbag for the shoes because if I can only have one it's gotta be the shoes. No, don't shudder! Look at these:
I mean aren't they just dreamy? Check out the crystal bead work on the heels of the Prada pumps. Luscious.

Of course there are some gold metallics at Neiman's that do come from the land of fug. Behold:
Here we have the Young Hollywood stiletto, specially designed to camouflage your court ordered ankle monitor. How sassy!
And for those of you longing for those glamourous days of Studio 54, Michael Kors brings you the disco sandal complete with strap guaranteed to pop the very first time you wear them!
If discoteques are not your thing, how about this little Carol Brady flashback for the country club set. I swear my mother had several of these back in the seventies.
Of course spring would not be spring without the perfect shoe for your new little black dress. Here we see how to do it wrong:
Not just fetish shoes, ugly fetish shoes.
And how to do it right:
These say "I am a lady, but I might not be if you play your cards right." Rowwwr.

Maybe you want to lighten up this sping. I really love these softly silver kitten heels:
Of course, my very fave spring color is pink:

I like these strappy sandals, but the straps look like they would probably cut and blister my feet if I tried anything particularly athletic in them like oh say, walking across the room.
I think these petal-icious suede pumps are more my speed.
Whenever I do shop for shoes, I like to fantasize about wearing delicate pink satin ribbon shoes to some fabulous gala event:
No, not Pepto Bismal pink, this pink:
So girly! Of course if I actually did try to wear them, I would no doubt splash them with road salt or dung or something equally ruinous and never actually get to enjoy them before having to toss them out.

As yummy as most of the spring shoes are, I can't help but look at these and ask:
Does Stella McCartney really think I want to spend $695.00 for shoes that look like they came from Payless? Or is it that she has never actually been to a discount store and therefore has no frame of reference to know what is tacky?
Unlike Poor Stella, I do shop at Payless and I know I've seen this little number listed here at $245.00 retailing for $12.99. They are still cheap looking at any price.
These Versace opera pumps don't look cheap. At least they didn't before knock-offs appeared in every Ross Dress for Less across the country four years ago. Not only outdated, but that heel is just stupid. Stoopid.
Anybody remember huaraches? Uh, yeah, that was before my time too. Even so I don't think anyone can remember paying $315.00 for such gruesomeness.

I think I'll just stick with the basics. Perhaps a pair of black patent leather Mary Janes:
Ooo yeah. Get out the plaid mini skirt, Mama's gonna wear these to school! Woo-hoo!