Saturday, December 29, 2007

Another Milestone in Parenting

Now that Bear is 17 and able to drive in an emergency and Bunnie is 13 and fairly self-sufficient and very sensible, Spouse and I are taking a little overnight jaunt up to Lake Murray in Oklahoma to play some golf and have a little romance without the kids and pets. It seemed like a good idea back when Spouse booked our room at the lodge. Now I'm not so sure.

I know I have to get provisions for both us and the kids at the grocery. I'm sure I need to wash something to pack. Thing is, I'm stymied. I just keep thinking, I know the kids are old enough to leave for an overnight, they'll just play wii all night and sleep all day. But what if there is a power outage? Somebody gets hurt? A gas main explosion? A roving band of murderous Huns at the door? An earthquake? Pestilence? Flood? What if they try to call my parents three blocks away and their line is busy?

So! It's time to write down some rules while we are away:

  1. No using the stove top without a timer. You'll forget the tea kettle is turned on and burn down the house.
  2. No baking cookies without a timer. You'll forget the oven is turned on and burn down the house.
  3. No yapping on the main phone line for hours on end with girls. That's what text messaging is for. Besides, I need to call home every twenty minutes to make sure the house is not burned down.
  4. No making sushi when I'm not home! I can not stress to you enough how much I love all of your fingers and toes. I'd like to see them all intact when I get home, not rolled up in a tuna and rice snack.
  5. No feeding the dog pepperoni pizza. Yes, I know she would be thrilled to get it, but I do not want to come home to a living room carpet covered in the likely results.

Now then, that should cover just about everything. I just want to leave a few numbers in case you need anything:

  • The Lodge
  • My Cell
  • Dad's Cell
  • Grandparents two minutes away
  • Grandpa's Cell
  • Auntie #2 five minutes away
  • Auntie #4 three minutes away
  • Cousin Muffin's Cell in case all of the above phone lines are busy
  • The Lady Next Door
  • The Man Next Door on the Other Side
  • The Lovely Couple Across The Street
  • The All Night Veterinary Hospital
  • The Poison Hotline
  • The Electric Company Hotline
  • The Gas Company Hotline
  • The All-Night Plumber
  • Our Pastor's Emergency Number
  • The Chief of Police's Home Phone
  • and of course the Private Cell Phone Number to the Fire Chief in case you burn the house down.

There now! I feel much better and I'm ready to tackle the grocery. I hope they have those pizzas that you can eat without putting them in the oven 'cause you know, you can't be too careful.