Monday, October 02, 2006

Curse of the Evil Unfed

I’ve been considering that it is highly antifeminist of me to bash other women even if they are GOP-bumper-stickered-Hummer driving, talk radio repeating, obnoxiously-precocious-child rearing Soccer Moms. I’ve even considered changing the name of this blog to reflect my newly charitable outlook. Perhaps something apropos to my domestic leanings like “Suburban Shangri La” or “Home on the (Driving) Range”.

Then my golf-induced sense of well being was shattered by an invasion on my golf course sanctuary this morning. Cell Phone Yapping Zombies in Scooter Skirts disrupted my morning practice. Oh the Horror!

There I was, nestled on my favourite overlook preparing to address the ball and over the horizon pops a foursome of incredibly loud 30 something women with stunning highlights and impeccably tailored head to toe athletic ensembles with color coordinated golf bags.

I don’t know why they ventured up onto the driving range. Only a couple of them took half hearted practice shots that came nowhere close to the target flags. An evil sneer crossed my lips as a smug feeling of superiority washed over me and I once again addressed the ball preparing to send it flying 300 yards to the pin.

“I told her that she shouldn’t get involved in all that. Who’s even heard of those people anyway….blah, blah, very loud blah…..”

Aargh. I try to ignore the noise and reset my stance.

Bee-dee-beep-beep… "Hang on Phil’s on the phone….WHAT? I can barely hear you…”

A huge sigh from the gentleman to my right. Much eye rolling from the gentleman to his right.

“Oh Patsy, remember the man with the cart said 30 second limit on phone calls.”
“ No, that’s for on the course. They just want to keep us moving…blah, blah, blah…”

My hands tightened on the grip. I contemplated sending a banana slice through the middle of their very chic but oh-so-rude foursome. Thankfully the starter called them to tee off and peace fell once again over the practice range. With a collective sigh of relief we all shot magnificently and I was able to once again relax in my own little world of smug superiority without the curse of the dreaded Soccer Moms.

However, in the spirit of preparedness I have decide to remain vigilant in my battle against the the evil unfed. When you least expect it, expect it!